school´s out for the summer

The last time I wrote, I was typing live in Ponta Verde. It was very exciting because when the computer room opened back in February, internet was promised in just a few weeks… just a few months later, it arrived. In typical Cape Verdean fashion, in less than a few weeks, it was gone. I’m not sure what the exact complication is, but it is “temporarily out of order.” They didn’t even bother to say that it would be back in just a couple weeks, so I’m not going to hold my breath. It was nice while it lasted, but too good to be true.

On Monday, I will endure the hours of thrilling grade meetings and finalize the grades for my students. There are a few failures, a few excellent grades, and a lot of students that I will miss next year. Although for all intents and purposes, I am already done with the school year, after Monday it will be official. I have survived and even enjoyed my first year as a teacher and my first year as a volunteer. Looking back, I can’t believe how quickly it has passed. I can still remember standing at the back of the room during the first week of school and having to suppress laughter as I allowed myself to realize that these rows of carefully braided hair and blue and white striped shirts were in fact my students. As time passed, they became names and personalities. They made me laugh, they made me more frustrated than I have even known, they challenged me, they taught me and they helped me grow. I like to think that I did the same for them.

The temporary state of being a volunteer involves a mixture of conflicting emotions. While I feel that I have settled into my life and role here, it is not a true sense of settling. There is always the knowledge in the back of my head that in just another short year, I will be boarding the plane to head back to the states. This first year that has passed was filled with the struggles of settling in, getting to know people and establishing a sense of place. I feel that this coming year will be a struggle of finding closure to all of these things. There is an unshakable feeling of voyeurism in my brief glimpse of life here. While I become close to people, learn and acclimate to the culture and find my role here, I am acutely aware that this is not my life. It is only temporary. I am just a visitor here. No matter how much I learn, see and experience, it is nothing more than that; an experience. It is, however, an experience that will probably change my life forever. I will not be able to return to the person I once was or remain the one that I am now. In one year I will find myself facing the challenge of merging these two and finding a balance that will allow me to continue to grow and thrive.