behind the looking glass

Living here has been like chasing a shadow. Everytime I think I have that shadow within my grasp, the light shifts just a little and I realize that what I thought I had a grasp on is something entirely different. It is impossible to entirely learn a culture in less than a year. In fact, it could be argued that one could live their entire adult life in a different culture and, despite what is learned throughout time, never really grasp everything because of the essential lacking pieces that are learned at the developmental age. Concepts, emotions, beliefs and even language (all nurtured at a young age) define how one sees and adapts to the world. Without that developmental stage, one is left in a sort of limbo, constantly reconciling differences from two blurred perspectives.

Every time the shadow shifts, I am forced to reevaluate the foundations upon which I had placed my cultural reality up until that point. In the beginning, this was shocking, but not so difficult. The time had been short and the foundation was still in a developmental stage. I am now almost 10 months into my reality of Cape Verde and 8 months into my service. I had felt that, though I did not have a firm grasp, I was able to keep the shadow within my reach. I had a foundation, but I was blind to its faults.

There is a house in Ponta Verde that was built originally as just a garage. The owner ignored the difference of strength that is required between one story of a cement building and three stories. Blinded with a fury to proceed, he did not stop the process of development based on the limitations of the foundation. The house collapsed in "a 9/11" style split second of destruction. Fortunately, just a car was cradled within the bowels of this house, but the remains of its collapse are strewn everywhere in the process of deconstruction and rebuilding.

My reality, like this house, has collapsed as well. I too built on with a fury, ignoring, blinded from or just missing the transience of my foundation. It has been a while since the shadow completely escaped my grasp, but at the moment, it is lost in the dark.


to be continued....