sisyphus

The weeks here seem to come and go as quickly as the hours and almost quicker than the days. In a sweeping blur of activity, a week passes and leaves an empty shell of half accomplished to-do lists, dirty laundry and a yet more full to-do list awaiting the arrival of the next week. Yet amidst this almost frantic passing of time, I find myself feeling as if I am just treading water (a remarkably ironic assessment considering my current living status on this rock here in the Atlantic Ocean). I often feel as if I am Sisyphus (I´m not going to lie... my education and memory is failing me... I had to google the myth to remember the name... i also just used google as a verb.......) rolling a giant rock up the giant hill on which I live. Each day I walk down the hill to school to return a few hours later with the burden of exhausted expectations and intangible results. Perhaps a couple students understand a little more English because of this walk, perhaps not. At worst, they may understand less, but I certainly hope that is not the case. Yet the next day I find myself walking the same hill with the same resolutions and results, pushing this boulder of expectations in front of me.

As I prepared to enter Peace Corps, and even more so in preparation for arriving here at site, the boulder too was intangible. The bouncing ball of ideas and ideals was a much lighter load than my suitcases packed for two years away from home, yet at the same time, held much more that would assist in surviving away from home for two years. As these intangible ideals became tangible hopes and expectations, the boulder commenced to grow. Each step taken requires an exhausting effort that, in turn, marks only one step closer. I do not think that this myth accurately describes my situation, for, despite the appropriate environmental analogy, I do not feel that I have reached the peak of my mountain only to watch my ideals and aspirations roll down away from me, for I do not yet know where this peak is and how it will be reached. Instead, I find myself treading water while rolling an ever-growing ball of ideas, aspirations, expectations and limitations up the mountainous landscape as time idly dances by.